thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
