yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
