Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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