it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
