there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
