Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
