I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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