i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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