Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Randomize
