I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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