You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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