Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
