Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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