There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i love accidental penises.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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