Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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