Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
