then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
