i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
