In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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