I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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