I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
