to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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