Dual....:-)
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
