let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
