When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
