So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
