did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
