guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
