Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
