Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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