Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
