Someone shit on the floor
You smell like stripper and shame
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
