Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
