you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
