It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
