I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
