who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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