I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
