Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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