:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
