Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
