Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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