Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
