I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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