so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
