Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
