Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
