is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
