Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
