Umm I'm too high to move.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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